By two.one.five Staff  |  Send to Friend

9 Songs: Wherein we connive nine tunes to get you and your partner(s) in the mood -- or very much out of it.

9 Songs for Angry Sex

It could be your worst enemy or your closest pal, but, once in a while, someone gets you so angry, you’ve just got to have them. When this fierce feeling erupts, you can be sure violent and wild sexy times are to follow. But one things for certain, if your going to display an impressive exhibition of dominance and rigor that’ll have them swearing in ecstasy -- and not pressing charges -- you need to set the mood with a playlist that will ensure they’ll get in on the dirty action.

1. Closer
Nine Inch Nails
Violating, desecrating and penetrating all in one dirty, dirty song.

2. Shimmy Shimmy Ya
Ol’ Dirty Bastard
Is it a surprise that Dirty likes it raw?

3. Sex and Violence
The Exploited
Like peas and carrots.

4. Treat Her Like A Prostitute
Slick Rick
This is the one time when excessive chauvinism isn’t just accepted, it’s encouraged.

5. If You Can’t Beat Em’ Bite Em’
Weird War
Bite marks are the new hickies.

6. Die, Die My Darling
The Misfits
Of course you don’t want him dead, but how hot would it be if he was knocked unconscious for just a minute?

7. Gimme the Car
The Violent Femmes
Gordan Gano has a way of making everything sound like a sex crime.

8. Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell
The Stooges
Nothing is more infuriating than a sexy guy or girl who simply will not cooperate.

9. I Want You So Hard
Eagles of Death Metal
Save the soft stuff for your moms.

Sexuations: Wherein we identify hot new sexual possibilities.

1. The Blacklight

Perfect for those special occasions where a trail of rose petals would just seem too trite. A woman surprises her man by leaving a trail of pee in her bedroom that leads to the bathroom, where the man is confronted with a larger puddle of urine. To make things more challenging and fun for the male, the pee trail is only detectable with a blacklight. He follows the trail, sucking at each carpet thread to taste the golden treat, until he reaches the pee finale and laps at the puddle like a dog while the female watches.

Trish is so cool, the other night we put on some Zepplin and she totally blacklit me.

2. The Snot-Nosed Brat

More often than not, one engages in sexual affairs with someone who is of unbearable personality. This maneuver will teach them a lesson or two. The repugnant male or female kneels or sits in anticipation of a mouthful of cum. Of course, giving them what they want would only encourage their formidable behavior, so, at the last moment, the male shoots his special syrup straight up their nostrils. That’ll teach em’.

Yes, I know Hillary’s a terrible bitch, but I’m justifying sleeping with her by ending it with a snot-nosed brat.